Contrary to popular belief the greatest book ever written is not The Secret or something by Dan Brown (although those are excellent!) it is in fact the novel “The Darkest Evening of the Year” written by the tyrant of terror, the master of macabre, the head honcho of horror himself Dr. Dean Reginald Pine Koontz, or simply Dean Koontz as he’s known to his trillions of fans across North America and parts of Europe.
That terrifying image of a dog’s silhouette is what first drew me to this book, what possible horrors could that pooch be up to in the pages within? Has he gone rabid and is out to kill anything in his path? Has a mutagen got into his system and begun to mutate him into some hideous monster? Is it Shadow from Homeward Bound 2: Lost in San Francisco out for revenge after his career has gone nowhere since that film? I needed some answers so I checked the back of the book to read some critics blurbs and instantly, all of my questions about this gripping novel were answered by one simple sentence from a highly credible magazine:
“Silence of the Lambs meets Marley & Me.” - People
After reading that blurb, the greatest blurb ever written by a human printed on what has to be greatest novel ever produced by someone not Dan Brown, I simply put the book down and walked away. I didn’t even need to read the book itself to know how brilliant it was, any piece of literature that can draw comparisons to both Silence of the Lambs and Marley & Me is just too…perfect. Reading it would reveal text so rich and deep that it would make it impossible for the reader to enjoy any other written work ever again. J.D. Salinger could release one last book, a masterpiece, and your only thought would be “Well, this is ok, but it’s not Silence of the Lambs meets Marley & Me.”
Did I make the right choice? Could the book really be so awe-inducingly amazing that it would ruin your life just by reading it? Well, after reading these Publishers Weekly comments on it, the answer is obviously yes. This book is too good to be true and reading it would be the equivalent of staring at the opening of the Ark of the Covenant.
"Set mostly in Southern California, this topnotch thriller from bestseller Koontz (The Good Guy) depicts with unabashed emotion and wit the magical powers of golden retrievers—in particular, a female named Nickie, who will stop at nothing to save innocent children and protect their guardians. Amy Redwing, the survivor of a horrifying marriage, establishes Golden Heart to rescue golden retrievers, rehabilitate the abused ones and find forever homes. A supernatural chain of events ensues after Amy and her architect boyfriend, Brian McCarthy, rescue Nickie during a violent intervention in a family dispute. Soon the pair are on a mission that leads to a transformative confrontation with a number of ugly characters—Gunther Schloss, a frustrated aspiring novelist turned killer-for-hire; Moonglow, a psychobitch in the Mommie Dearest league; and Moonglow’s lover, Harrow, a self-obsessed sicko. This is the perfect book for thriller addicts who know the darkest hour is just before dawn and for canine lovers who remember dog spelled backwards is god.” - Publishers Weekly
Magical golden retrievers…psychobitches…someone named Gunther Schloss…too much awesome for one paragraph, I’m tripping out!!!
Hey y’all what’s up, just jumped onto the old tready to burn some cals and blog it up with some pals! XD Got my mango peach topper smoothie from the Jamb (with organic granola) resting in the c-holder, my bluetooth in my left ear and yep, you guessed it, a Zune headphone in the right ear playing some classic jams off of Bruce Springsteen’s Post-9/11 album “The Rising”. Gotta love the Boss.
“Tonight: Franz Ferdinand is an aggressive left turn for the band, full of synths, drum machines and psychedelic production. And the eight-minute-long final version of “Lucid Dreams” is radically different from that preview, with buzzy analog keyboards, spooky background vocals and an electro-tribal groove that’s half electronic, half live drums.”—Rolling Stone on Franz Ferdinand’s new album. Epic eight-minute dance jams? Yes. I am there.
I’ve currently got tabs open for live blogs by the following 60 people so I can have a constant and equal stream of election updates: Keith Olbermann, Rush Limbaugh, Anderson Cooper, Tavis Smiley, Charlie Rose, Carson Daly, Joe Scarborough, Ira Glass, DJ Lethal, Moby, Sarah Vowell, Aaron Brown, Wolf Blitzer, The Dell Dude, Chris Matthews, Charles Gibson, Sean Hannity, Margaret Cho, Bill O’Reilly, Greg Gutfield, Geraldo Riveria, J.C. Chasez, the cat from Homeward Bound, Brit Hume, Diane Sawyer, Jazzy Jeff, Brian Williams, Jim Cramer, Eric Stoltz, Larry the Cable Guy, Connie Chung, Lou Dobbs, Dan Abrams, Joel Surnow, Rachel Maddow, the_weed_lova, Al Franken, Nick Jonas, Mark Steyn, Nancy Grace, T-Boz, Tucker Carlson, Bruce Vilanch, Maureen Dowd, Tiffany Brissette, Ann Coulter, a goat, Alan Colmes, Glenn Beck, Michelle Malkin, Michael Savage, Michael Clayton, Mariel Hemingway, Topol, Laura Ingraham, Clayton Morris, B-Real, Fred Barnes, Anita Doth and the bass player from Harvey Danger.
The already great Funny or Die website family is now even better with UK offshoot www.funnyordie.co.uk now open for business. There’s great stuff on it already too, here’s brilliant comedic actor Peter Serafinowicz performing 50 impeccable impressions in 2 minutes: